Changing the Subject on Purpose

So as I am reading my blog tonight I look over and see a Google ad that just isn't quite appropriate for some reason or other. So whether this is a good reason to post or not, at least maybe I can get some better key words in my blog that will change my ads to something more Christian based.

Being a Christian used to be so easy for me. Isn't that a shame to even come out of my mouth? This entire divorce and living as a single mom has really thrown me into a spiral of new experiences, trials, stuggles and temptations that I never dreamed of all these years of being a Christian.

When you grow up in church, hang out with the pastor's kids (before they hit that "bad kid" stage.. LOL), go to Christian boarding school, and Bible college... it is easy to really almost ignore the world around you. You get to be almost in a robot mode doing and saying the things that are expected of you. It almost becomes like a program... or a play that you have memorized the line to.

I had the opportunity to hear the wonderful man that I am dating preach for the first time last week. It was such a neat experience, but he spoke about something so common for those of us raised all our lives in the church. He spoke on being a pretender. You know I realized that sometimes we become pretenders without even realizing it. We just go about our days without even thinking.. being what is expected, doing the status quo, not even thinking about the things we are doing and why we are doing them... or doing them for the same reason over and over.... IT IS WHAT IS EXPECTED.

Yes, I am going somewhere with this. I have gone so long doing what is expected, that when life suddenly threw me the unexpected... HELP>>>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!

What is it Lord that I as a Christian am supposed to do? What do I do when I mess up? I have never messed up like this before. Am I just talking to the walls here? Has any of you growing up in the church finally come to the realization that your Christian life wasn't actually your life.. but the life you were expected to have? Does God get real joy and honor from a life like that?

In my frustration with myself and my recent failures throughout this entire divorce thing especially, I have come to realize that I have had a relationship with God over all these years... but.... I am not so sure that relationship has really been my own. It is like all the other things I have been posting about being hand-me-downs. Oh yeah.... I even found a verse the other day with that exact phrase in it. It was in the Message... give me a minute... I think I will try to find it.............

Go ahead.. count... 1-100, 2-100, 3-100..... I am still looking.

WoW!!! I actually found it.. you can stop counting now... I know it was more than a minute in real time.. but you will never know.. HA :O)

It is in Malachi 1:1-11. The part about the hand-me-downs says this:

"And when you do offer something to me, it's a hand-me-down, or broken, or useless. Do you think I am going to accept it? This is God speaking to you!"

You need to read the entire selection of scripture.. but it really hit me. I keep trying to give my hand-me-downs. I am not giving Him my best. The verses are about worship and how we should worship God. I have only been worshipping him with my hand-me-downs... other people's beliefs, the things I really don't care whether I keep or give up. Those are the things I hand over to God. What about the things that matter?

I have struggled with one sin in particular over the past year or so... I can honestly say it is the first time I remember really struggling over giving something COMPLETELY over to God. I only want to hand it over to God when it is convenient.. or when it is easy. I want to hand all the other hand-me-downs to Him, but for some reason.. this is just a struggle.

I don't want to pretend.. and I don't want to ignore God... but what is with this whole... I am more important than God thing? I mean, in the moment.. that isn't what I am really thinking.. but that is what my actions say over and over again. Where do you find balance in pleasing God and not allowing yourself to chose to sin over and over again, but also resting in the fact that God is a merciful and forgiving God? You can't PLAN to mess up and then ask for forgiveness. How do you completely rely on God's strength at a time where your mind runs from the whole dilima of whether you are making a right decision or not?

Our pastor made a wonderful statement yesterday. He was speaking on honoring your parents.. it was an excellent message for the kids.. but he also challenged the adults. He told the kids that parents didn't have to earn the respect of being honored.. .they should do it cause they were children and they should be thankful enough just in the fact of being a parent.. to honor their mother and father. He also said that we should HONOR God just because he is our Father if no other reason.

I got to thinking. We usually obey out of fear of being punished. But HONOR comes out of love. I can chose to obey God's commands because I want to please him.. avoid consequences, etc. But I can show Him true love by honoring Him and keeping His commandments to me.

Another point the pastor made to the kids in the congregation is that when they honor their parents by obeying them and showing them love... parents are so much more apt to give them what they ask for... and show their love more exuberantly. How much more is God like that!

Yes, I have rambled quite a bit... LOL... seem to do that quite a bit lately. I know I kind of jumped around too. Have I mentioned I am ADD? LOOK! There's a rabbit! LOL Just kidding! Just wondered how many of you share my joy of being easily distracted.

Anyway, I don't know if that ad is gone now.. but if you see a odd sort of Google ad on here, please forgive me... I AM TRYING TO MAKE SOME MONEY WITH THIS INSANITY... LOL... Hey! I have to get money from somewhere if I am not going to take Hand-Me-Downs anymore.. LOL.

God bless! And remember, God doesn't want your hand-me-downs either.. so just throw them out!